WORST things to say to a police officer:

1.  I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)

2.  Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar jammer wasn't plugged in.

3.  Aren't you the pussy guy from the Village People? (OK in San Francisco)

4.  Hey, you must've been doing' about 125 mph to keep up with me!
     Good job!

5.  Excuse me. Is "Suck Me!" hyphenated?

6.  I thought you had to be in relatively good stable mental condition 
     to be a police officer.

7.  I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

8.  Bad cop! No donut!

9.  You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

10. Gee, that huge beer gut on you sure doesn't inspire confidence.

11. Didn't I see you getting your butt kicked on that Cops TV show you pansy?

12. Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at
     McDonald's?

13. I pay your salary!  PISS OFF!
  
14. So, you on the take? How much you want now?

15. Gee, that's terrific. The last officer gave me a warning too!

16. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

7.  I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other car
    around-that's how far ahead of me they are.

18. What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" You're supposed to be 
      the trained specialist you butthead.

19. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off
      my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, 
      forcing me to speed out of control.

20. Hey, is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44  auto magnum. 
      (Also OK in Texas). 
-------------------------------------